Thanks to you guys who responded to my first post! Since I already started talking about marriage advice, I'll use that for this blog....
Since Shannon asked, the kind of things I need advice on are the basics! What to expect during the first few monthes.... Any advice on being selfless??? I entirely understand the absolute importance of prayer, but I also think it beneficial to seek advice from people who have been there!
However, this has been weighing on my heart today:
Yesturday my mom approached me with an almost startling comment. "It seems as though Jaden dictates to you... Is he controlling? It just seems like you're always saying 'Jaden won't like this or that'. I just want the best for you"
My mom is not a Christian. As far as I'm concerned she is not someone I would go to for marital advice with her low regard for things such as SELFLESSNESS, prayer and most of all SUBMISSION in a marriage. She is somewhat of a feminist. And I know there are things Jaden doesn't do because I don't approve. My mom doesn't see his side of things. However, this comment had me on my knees alone in my room nonetheless.
I struggle with being selfless, at least I think I do. It's REALLY hard for me to determine the boundry between being selfless and being taken advantage of while letting my beloved drive EVERYWHERE we go (as is not only the standard, but the expectation of every male in his family) or being treated unfairly when, for the first time in our relationship he tells me a solid, concrete "No" when I ask to drive just this onnnnce!!! I was hurt, but I bit my tongue and waited a good 2 hours before telling him just how deeply that hurt me. He didn't understand. So, as is a big NO in any relationship I chose to hold the grudge because I didn't know how to make the hurt go away. This grudge has bugged me for 2 weeks, even though I've prayed about it. I told Jaden about it, almost in tears. I guess my mom's comment came at a time I was wondering myself if I was being taken advantage of a little. (I might add that it came at those special times we women go through when we struggle with a little depression and the feeling of losing control. A special time we NEED Christ more than ever!) It wasn't until the other night when he finally agreed to let me drive to breakfast every morning at Creation Fest that I've let it go. But I should have let it go right away. Jesus calls for us to rebuke out of LOVE, not out of selfishness.
I wasn't raised with parents who had a marriage or even behaviors that I can learn from. My parents separated when I was 11 after many years of bitterness between them. I didn't know what a good marriage looked like until I started going to church over a year ago. Long story short, I need advice from people who I CAN learn from on how to forgive. I also (desparatly) need advice on how to behave when I DO need to present a problem or hurt to Jaden.
I guess just lately I'm having a little trouble being TOTALLY accountable to someone (HA! This inhibition is the reason I turned to Jesus when I was 18 instead of when I was 15!). I'm having trouble having to submit, sometimes. As my awesome Pastor said one Wednesday night, marriage (or preperation thereof) reveals the very things in your life you need to work on for God's glory. You HAVE to be selfless, loving, forgiving, etc... Wifes are called to submit to their husbands just as the church submits to Christ.
I guess I just need a little guidance right now. I've been reading Ephesians 5 (CSN just SO happened to have a sermon on the submission in marriage passage yesturday at the height of my uneasiness). I know some of the people reading this have GREAT marriages and also great advice. I appreciate your support, my friends! God bless!